Ever Broken

Have you had a broken heart? Have you ever feel so unloved by the particular person and questioning why, why God treated you the way you’ve been treat? Have you ever been double broken, by the same person? Have you ever tried, try to understand the meaning of your journey? Have you found the meaning?  I have had all of those things.  And the meaning, maybes God’s have purpose to me to other person.

God chosen me, and chosen particular person to have me as they have me. We have our realm. One way or another. In this real and virtual world. We mingled. We try to connect our soul. Yet I’m trying and trying, but you out of nowhere. Cannot be found by me, hide, far and close. Created big wall that only you can crush in cause the wall have the door, have the key. Only you have the key. The Key is Truth, quote from  Missy Higgins lyrics “That lies will lock you up with truth the only key.”

I have had many broken hearts. Heart broken are exceeded of love and ‘unlove’.  Unlike body, when your heart broken, it is only you that can feel it. Can understand it. Even only you and Love that can Cure You. Yes the broken heart, the medicine is only Love.

I have again let my heart broken, yet these days is rather different. I have little sadness, but big anger. To you, to myself. I have felt my huge hurt of broken heart feeling, as it has happened in August 2015, and all I could do was mend my broken heart by always doing good, continue love you, and continue giving and sharing.

And now, I embrace my broken heart. I accept what you wish for me as you told me. Whether it is your true truth I don’t know. But you’ve said it clear.  You want Privacy, Distance, boundary, Mind Your Own Business.  If all those what you really want, you have it all.

I wish you would never damage again, what I have preserved by loving you. ‘this is your day after all’

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Ever Broken Again

July 26, 2017 have another broken heart by you. And for this 3rd times of letting you entered again, while you are already with someone that you have never mention existed– altough existed but who am I to know, without any accessed of any of your life information. Life information you have given me in several hours of conversation yet it captured almost all essences of your life story.

Im so stupid to mend with you, while all I know, that you have this path of behavior of Passive Aggressive. Despite told me you were bother, you Shut me Up. Many Times. You said you want Privacy. Bullshit, you show off your family life, daily agony in all over your FB to strangers, FB friends you have never met. Only once and a while you respond to my CMC (Computer Media Communication) socmed… only when all I said were good words, pray. It such a bullshit.

The most harmed way is, when you asked me t

o pray, for someone, I have never met, I have never known, someone you fly away to go there and be with cause of the illness of this your particular person. How Dare You. When I asked who is that person…YOU DIDNT RESPOND. SILENT. I pretend I didnt know. But it hurt me more

So I give you the truth about you, that you have HIDING from me, Why I dont know. You think it’ll hurt me. Yes of course, but it even hurt me, when I found it myself. So I delivered it to you, Pretend to give you my blessed. Yaaa, I knew you. Only some consolation and good news you will only respond me. But bad, human intention of asking of demand will not be respond by you. Early on I try to send the photo with sarcastic words, that I know something…but I changed the text…because I wanted to have your respond.. and yes you’re respond…
But Text is Only Text They Never represent TRUE EMOTION of A Person. People Who Read it who put the emotion. And emoticon added is only to neutralized the trues of words and sentences

Until now, I still have this hole of great broken hurt, ever cause by a person I have adored great deal. You. You among all of people!!

I curse you, Course youuuu… (I never curse anyone before)

I hope this is the first and the last time I curse a person, a human body of “kind” personality.

And you said, One’s is Never Responsible for Other People Heart and Happiness.. Wrong. People living with Other People, Human is Social Creature. Either you live isolated or Alone, people to people make living.

#angercausebyPassiveAggressivePerson #SHUTUP&SHOW #BAIKYANGJAHAT

Masih

Aku masih sayangimu
Masih rindukanmu
Masih pikirkan doakan dirimu
Aku masih suka seluruhmu

Aku masih cari
Aku masih menemukanmu
Di antara semua
Aku masih aku
Masih berharap kita bersama
Menapaki jalan yang digariskan

aku masih ada untukmu
semoga kamu senang
dan aku tenang
dalam kepastian
sementara dan tak pasti

aku masih diriku
berdoa agar behagiamu sejati
tawamu tulus
aku masih merindukanmu
sampai waktunya
nanti

 

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Love Fever

Ageless
Borderless
Infinity
Slumberless

Fever
Fever
Love
Love

Draw throw
Push pull

Love
Fever

The cure’s only lover presence

@Umi Lasmina

Who’s Took Picture of You

Who is that person
Took picture of you, a photograph
You smile and look straight up to the lens
We sees

Who is that person
Took picture of you
You posed like the shoot for the Vogue

Who is that person
Took picture of you
And you are smile broadly

Who is that person
Have privilege out of you
Of your greatness

Who is that person
I am not envy with
But to congratulate
For the time of capturing you
The inner soul into matter
A beauty people can see
Out of you

🙂

I dont want to fallin love

I don’t want to fallin love with you
I don’t want to fallin out love with you
I want to love you
Loving you
Be with you
Until our hair grey
And I’m like you
At certain point of age

I wish we will be
Ever together or part but happy
You deserve more
I deserve more
We worth each other
We deserve each other
Amin

Heart Bleed

Heart bleed, tears
Hurt still deep chest
Can’t breath
Hope no longer

Love always joy and sad
The journey of feeling
The heart’s lead
The body follow

If only I can placed love
To stay in reverie
I will secured me from pain
But I can’t
Love is the real thing ever
Blue and gay

Only love can hurt like this
Only love can heal like this

@Umi ‘ cjuly 2015

My Pray

If only I can trade
Years of my time, into your time
Replaced your sadness in the past
With my simplicity of being happy
I would

But I cant
Instead I might give my energy
And a bit of the laugh
To your future
In hope to prevent more sorrow

And maybe
Erased bad memories of the past

Amin

@Umi       Cinjuly

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The Star

The Star

You are the star
I have never seen
But exist
Never dim, but hide

The star is always be high
Unreachable by common
Unseen by many
But always be there up at the sky

You are the star
I have never been notice
But have seen light shining out of you
Many have absorbed the light
And be another star

You are the star
I have a chance
To feel the light
Inside out
Reflection of the dream
Of lone lonesome warrior
Of pure forresst

And as merely onlooker
There’s nothing I can do
But celebrate every moment
Of any encounter

@Umi Cinjuly

You’ll Be Happy

Walk in virtual community
I met you
I remember your name long ago
Years and years ago
Just a name, a bit whisper

And in virtual community
We make friends
We write each other
And eventually we met

Somewhere between my sanity and hope
I asked God for blessing
Before I enter to your world
Unknown world

And its your territory Ive been invited
Your personal space
Oh my God
Oh my Goddess
Please, the ancestor do stop the agony
Be a new paid
Be good and happy time now
All in all too much to survived
Yet you’re survived
So God, let you be happy
For life as good as it ought to be
For everybody, especially you

@Umi

Have I met You

Have I met you my dear
Probably, thousands years ago
When we both young
All I can ask was play
Make fun make laugh
Running in the prairie
Running between flowers
Climbed the trees
Fall on the ground
Fishing on the river
Play play and laughing

Have I met You
Probably, thousands years ago
When we were both young

@umi

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