Luka Hati, Hati Terluka

Bilamanakah hatimu terluka. Tak ada tanda selain pantulan dirimu. Materi, fisik, dan segala yang bisa ditangkap panca indra. Indera yang peka padamu. Hati terluka selalu oleh sesuatu yang dalam. Bukan luaran. Selalu substantif dan esensi. Karena hatimu berada di dalam dirimu, jauh, jauh sekali dari jangkauan apapun. Kecuali mereka yang diberikan olehmu kunci, dan sandi untuk masuk ke dalam hatimu.

Hatiku seluas lautan, gunung dan hutan-hutan digabungkan. Disanalah bersemayam cinta. Tumbuh di antara pepopondan tinggi, rerumputan dan suplir-suplir serta tanaman liar. Cintaku banyak dan besar jumlahnya. Hampir tak habis. Semata titipannya. Cintaku seperti matahari, menyinari bumi memberi hangat. Ah. Berlebihan kiranya. Tak apa. Aku patah dan tumbuh karena cinta. Lahir dan dibesarkan pun karena cinta ibu-bapakku.

Cinta adalah isi hati, persentasinya lebih dari 50%. Selain dari itu pikiran dan situasi. Isi hati dan pikiran, kita yang mengontrol namun situasi di luar kontrol tapi bisa memberi pengaruh penting. Situasi merupakan gabungan antar kondisi kekinian hati, pikiran dan suasana keseluruhan individu menyatu dalam adukan dengan apa yang pernah terjadi (masalalu). Masalalu membentuk manusia, sebagai upaya bertahan hidup. Pengalaman memberi pelajaran melalui contoh “alam-i.

Hatiku terluka. Oleh situasi, disebabkan oleh hubungan-hubungan dengan manusia. Hubungan dengan manusia merupakan hubungan paling rumit sekaligus paling sederhana. Hal ini terjadi karena manusia sendiri merupakan mahluk paling sederhana dan rumit sekaligus. Kerumitan terjadi biasanya ketika hal-hal sederhana dibuat rumit. Dari berbagai mahluk hidup, hewan dan tumbuhan, hanya manusia dengan pikiran otak dan hatinya yang memiliki kebebasan untuk  menentukan hidup dan matinya sendiri.

Ever Broken

Have you had a broken heart? Have you ever feel so unloved by the particular person and questioning why, why God treated you the way you’ve been treat? Have you ever been double broken, by the same person? Have you ever tried, try to understand the meaning of your journey? Have you found the meaning?  I have had all of those things.  And the meaning, maybes God’s have purpose to me to other person.

God chosen me, and chosen particular person to have me as they have me. We have our realm. One way or another. In this real and virtual world. We mingled. We try to connect our soul. Yet I’m trying and trying, but you out of nowhere. Cannot be found by me, hide, far and close. Created big wall that only you can crush in cause the wall have the door, have the key. Only you have the key. The Key is Truth, quote from  Missy Higgins lyrics “That lies will lock you up with truth the only key.”

I have had many broken hearts. Heart broken are exceeded of love and ‘unlove’.  Unlike body, when your heart broken, it is only you that can feel it. Can understand it. Even only you and Love that can Cure You. Yes the broken heart, the medicine is only Love.

I have again let my heart broken, yet these days is rather different. I have little sadness, but big anger. To you, to myself. I have felt my huge hurt of broken heart feeling, as it has happened in August 2015, and all I could do was mend my broken heart by always doing good, continue love you, and continue giving and sharing.

And now, I embrace my broken heart. I accept what you wish for me as you told me. Whether it is your true truth I don’t know. But you’ve said it clear.  You want Privacy, Distance, boundary, Mind Your Own Business.  If all those what you really want, you have it all.

I wish you would never damage again, what I have preserved by loving you. ‘this is your day after all’

====

Ever Broken Again

July 26, 2017 have another broken heart by you. And for this 3rd times of letting you entered again, while you are already with someone that you have never mention existed– altough existed but who am I to know, without any accessed of any of your life information. Life information you have given me in several hours of conversation yet it captured almost all essences of your life story.

Im so stupid to mend with you, while all I know, that you have this path of behavior of Passive Aggressive. Despite told me you were bother, you Shut me Up. Many Times. You said you want Privacy. Bullshit, you show off your family life, daily agony in all over your FB to strangers, FB friends you have never met. Only once and a while you respond to my CMC (Computer Media Communication) socmed… only when all I said were good words, pray. It such a bullshit.

The most harmed way is, when you asked me t

o pray, for someone, I have never met, I have never known, someone you fly away to go there and be with cause of the illness of this your particular person. How Dare You. When I asked who is that person…YOU DIDNT RESPOND. SILENT. I pretend I didnt know. But it hurt me more

So I give you the truth about you, that you have HIDING from me, Why I dont know. You think it’ll hurt me. Yes of course, but it even hurt me, when I found it myself. So I delivered it to you, Pretend to give you my blessed. Yaaa, I knew you. Only some consolation and good news you will only respond me. But bad, human intention of asking of demand will not be respond by you. Early on I try to send the photo with sarcastic words, that I know something…but I changed the text…because I wanted to have your respond.. and yes you’re respond…
But Text is Only Text They Never represent TRUE EMOTION of A Person. People Who Read it who put the emotion. And emoticon added is only to neutralized the trues of words and sentences

Until now, I still have this hole of great broken hurt, ever cause by a person I have adored great deal. You. You among all of people!!

I curse you, Course youuuu… (I never curse anyone before)

I hope this is the first and the last time I curse a person, a human body of “kind” personality.

And you said, One’s is Never Responsible for Other People Heart and Happiness.. Wrong. People living with Other People, Human is Social Creature. Either you live isolated or Alone, people to people make living.

#angercausebyPassiveAggressivePerson #SHUTUP&SHOW #BAIKYANGJAHAT

Rindu seperti dulu

Tak pernah pertanyakan
Tak pernah membayangkan
Seseorang yang tak pernah terbayangkan
Akan jumpa dan jatuh cinta

Namun selalu kuingat
Jumpa pertama
Cerita pertama
Tentang mereka yang mengikat hatiku

Tak pernah kupikirkan
Dulu saat belum mengenalmu
Aku akan juga merindukab
Kamu dari kota yang sama

Kota yang manusianya
Memikat hatiku
Lama dan dalam

Sungguh aku tak pernah tahu
Selain cinta datang untukku
Untuk diberikan
Pada orang yang aku tak tahu apapun tentang dia

Selalu begitu
Tapi aku tak bisa mengelak
Tak bisa jauh
Dari Cinta

I love you
And its never generic
Never orgy

(Bukan puisi, lagi kangen bingit sama yg jauh tp selalu terbyang)

Kembang, Bunga, Tanah dan Air dan Angkasa

bunga-bunga di balaikota. kata-kata dan ekspresi rasa. bukan kalah bukan mengalah. tanda cinta dan terimakasih dari penduduk yang mencintai kebaikan dan kemuliaan kota.

Loving Heart

I have a heart, like you and you, and you of all people. A heart so close to soul that sometimes it so close the soul blurred by its circumstances. This heart of mine is one, but has lot of space for people to enter. Most of my lifetime the heart has bring me to greatest ecstasy. When One capture my heart, it almost like forever be in there. Yet my heart often bruised. Cos when the heart sincerely love someone, the brain always took a chance to act on it. It brain is passionate, enthusiast so seem like always in hush.

When I love someone dearly, they occupy my mind, my heart mostly follow so when my mind is hurt… I cry. Sad.

But I never get bored of loving and fall in love. But maybe Im tired of trying. Wanna calm down, and settle down.

I dont know, but soon, maybe I choose to take a great decision in Life. To share my happiness and elder days with that someone.

But first, I have to change my phone number. After that, I hope everything will be okay will be what I ought to have, deserve.
amen.

Kututup Jendela

Sudah malam/ Sudah ribuan senja lewat/Dua jendela kututup/Kau tak lagi hampiri aku/Aku tak lagi memanggilmu/
Pergilah kekasih/ Pergilah sayang cintaku
Aku akan buka pintu/Akan ada tamu/Entah singgah atau menetap/Aku akan menerimanya/Apa adanya
Seperti ketika aku menerimamu/Apa adanya

Jalan-jalan baru/ cara baru/suara dan aroma baru/ aku akan memeluk kebaruan/
Bukankah semua selalu baru, setiap detik/
Dan cinta adalah pembaharuan sejati manusia//

11-4-2017

Every Reason in Everything

they say everything happens for a reason
a reason to be sad
a reason to be dissappoint
maybe a reason for you to did what you did
maybe a reason for me to did what I did
What if I didn’t rush in
What if you were kinder
What if I didn’t d what I did

lots of lots maybes
reason to everything
to be what ought to be
sad
I might lost you
You might lost me

Maybe if we never met
There’s no reason to be sad and happy

but we met
in time and circumstances
saw you laugh..

where you were, where I was
collided souls
in always wonder

5-4-2017 LGW

Love is Loyal Driver

I dont have a car but a driver
Loyal driver
Inside me, beside me
Take me to many places Ive never been
Bring out the best in me
Create recreate program of future plans
The driver is like any driver
Need boost, spirit and wages
Have to fullfil on and on
Ro be ready anytime, in need
Me myself and who beside me
We sometimes go where we like to go
Finding a new experience, a new moment
This Loyal driver is Love

I hope you found a drive like mine
A Loyal driver is Love

@umilasminah

3November2015

And You Sent Me A Smile

And you sent me a smile

And I send you a smile and rotl back…

My whole world is become brighter
Your effect in me always the same
Make me more happy…

🙂

ThankYou

L..

 

 

Aku Tak Ingat, Selalu Merasa

Aku tak ingat tuliskan rasa biruku
Aku ingat birumu
Birumu bukan lagi sendu
Birumu masih sedikit lugu
Birumu lautan luas, luasan langit

Aku tak ingat tuliskan birumu
Dan akupun biru
Akar padaku, padamu
Rindu, biruku goresan Starry Night
Kini diantara semua biru dan rindu
Aku melaju,dalam tunggu tak lagi memburu
Aku biarkan saja waktu
Lalukan aku dan kamu
Dalam naungan alam, dan cintaNya

Aku tak ingat, selalu Merasa

lovecare